The DSM-5 calls autism a “pervasive developmental disorder.” It’s amazing just how true that is. You don’t realize just how pervasive autism is until it ruins your life.
It’s pervasive because autism never stops at ruining simple household things by, say, drinking all the orange juice. It doesn’t stop at ruining fun hobbies by, say, scratching all your CDs. It doesn’t even stop at ruining the work you do from home because low-functioning slight colds, like the one my son Beighbee got after he was vaccinated and also played with another child who had a slight cold. Autism will ruin all those things, but it won’t stop there.
Autism will also screw up your tax returns.
This morning, I went to file the tax forms I had so lovingly prepared last night, only to discover that autism has made a complete and total mess of them. First of all, autism claimed itself as a dependent. Normally this would be okay; as we all know, autism is completely dependent on its parents for its entire life and can never be expected to accomplish anything more than working in a sheltered sweatshop for $0.21 an hour.
But autism also claimed that it made $6,000,000 last year. This is ludicrous! Not only is autism not “big business,” autism is no business at all. Nobody ever made a dime off autism. If I could monetize autism, trust me, it would be paying for the Lucky Charms marshmallows it ate so fast….
And, to top everything off, autism tried to claim Beighbee as a farm exemption. Excuse me? I know his severe slight cold makes him a tragic burden, but he is a human child, and I deserve my tax credit for that!
Is there anything autism won’t ruin?